There is something so magical about being a mom. I can't fully wrap my mind around the fact that these two boys are mine. They make me so happy. I can't even put into words how happy being a mother has made me. These little fellas bring so much joy into my life every single day. There are so many times during the day when I am busy picking up or cleaning, and I look over at them in their jumpers or bumbos and they have the biggest smiles on their faces. It literally melts my heart. I don't know what I would do without them in my life. I feel so blessed to be given the opportunity to be their mother!

They are starting to react a lot to each other. It's so adorable. I can already tell that they have such a special connection. They have been talking and laughing at each other. I think this will be one of the funnest parts of having twins. We started them on rice cereal a few days ago! I am so excited to be feeding them solids. It's amazing to me how fast they grow and how much they change and learn every single day.

The boys had their 4 month appointment on Friday (even though they are almost five months) and they are literally growing like weeds. Stedson weighs 17lbs 1oz and Treydon weighs 13lbs 13oz. They had to get their four month shots and it broke this mommy's heart. I don't know how I am going to handle seeing them in pain.

We are getting anxious to make our trip home in a few weeks! We haven't been home since Christmas and it will be so fantastic to see our families and spend some time relaxing.

I have turned into a bit of a picture and video fanatic lately. I am obsessed with capturing every single moment of my little angels lives so I don't forget anything. Here are a few of the most recents...:)













I have been wanting to share this video with our families because I think it's the cutest thing ever but I haven't been able to send it as an attachment so you all get to enjoy it!:) (Please ignore the bad video skills, it was one handed with my phone)

Never Grow Up

The boys are now four months old and are at such a fun stage! We are having so much fun with them. I can't believe how big they are. Their little personalities are really starting to show and they are definitely different. Stedson has found his voice and knows how to use it! I guess he is sick and tired of waiting around. :) They are starting to play with toys and they LOVE their jumpers. I can't believe how fast they are growing. It makes me so sad. I had to box up their newborn and 0-3month clothes this weekend and it sure was a bitter sweet moment. I am happy they aren't getting up every two hours now, but I really will miss that adorable newborn stage.

They are both really close to rolling over. We spend a few minutes working on it before every feeding during the day. They are starting to tolerate tummy time a little better which I am very grateful for. I think I am getting good at tuning one baby out. There are just times during the day that I can't keep them both happy at the same time so one of them just has to cry until I can get to them. It used to really bother me when they would cry, but I have decided that it doesn't hurt them and is good for their lungs. I promise I don't let them cry on purpose though. :)

They are both officially sleeping in their cribs which is a pretty big deal for us. They have done awesome and seem to really enjoy it. They are so sweet when I go get them in the mornings. They both are so smiley and happy to see me. It melts my heart every time.

Here are a few of the newest pictures. Enjoy. :)

Pictures

In January we had professional pictures of the boys taken. I really wanted to get some done before they lost the "newborn" look. I think they turned out great! Here are a few of our favorites.

Private

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Love like crazy

I have turned into a horrible blogger. I seem to have a heck of a lot on my plate lately. BUT since I claim to use this as a journal, I need to take the time to do it once in a while. I am busy to say the least. It's such a great busy though. I am back in school full time, which is a chore in and of itself. It's really important to me to finish and get my degree...even though I have been in school for five years now, I will finish someday. I am also the beehive advisor in the Young Women's and give the lesson every Sunday. I love this but it's hard sometimes to find the time to prepare a lesson. Last but not least, I am working hard to lose the weight that my little darlings helped me gain. It's a slow process but slow and steady is the key I guess.

The boys are doing great and growing like weeds. They are starting to react to things and are smiling and laughing more! We are so in love with them. They have such different personalities.

Stedson: He is so subdued and mild. He is a FANTASTIC baby. He usually has to eat second, bathe second, be held second, everything. Sometimes I feel really guilty about this, but I know that he will sit patiently until it's his turn. He has turned into the cutest little chunk. When I think of how far he has come since he was born I am simply amazed. He is gaining weight like crazy and boy does the kid like to eat. When he gets super hungry (which is most of the time) he attacks the bottle like a ferocious lion and his right leg twitches like a dog. It's the cutest thing I have ever seen. He is sleeping so great, usually four or five sometimes even six hours in a row. He is smiling and laughing a lot and is so cuddly. We LOVE him!







Treydon (Trey Dog): Treydon is literally the opposite of his brother. He is fiesty to say the least. He knows what he wants and he isn't afraid to scream, arch his back and simply throw a tantrum until he gets it. He loves to be held. Most of the time I am more than happy to cuddle him, but sometimes I need to get a few things done (like feed his brother). He is so smiley. He reacts to our voices and is starting to enjoy games like "Patty Cake" and "Peek-A-Boo". He loves bath time and loves it when I tickle his face. He is so observant and has the biggest, bluest eyes that are constantly scanning his surroundings. He wakes up so happy in the mornings and wants to play and talk to his mommy all morning long. He LOVES getting his picture taken and instantly smiles when I pull the camera out. We LOVE him!






Jase is such a great dad. I get teary eyed when I think about how much he loves his boys and how much he helps out. He wakes up with a baby every single night and then goes to work the next day. He lets me sleep in on Saturday mornings and gives me a break at nights to workout or take a bath. I really couldn't ask for a better husband or dad for my babies. I love him SO much

Motherhood

As I sit in my recliner, thinking about all that I need to get done during the few precious hours that both babies are sleeping, I am overwhelmed with love for these little fellas. I'm not going to lie, I am EXHAUSTED. I don't remember a time in my life when I have been this tired before. Between diaper changes, outfit changes, feedings, bottle sterilizing, and pumping it's hard to fit much else in. Yesterday I was particularly tired. I hadn't got much sleep the night before and my house needed a good cleaning. I had just got the boys down and was taking a little break before jumping into cleaning and getting ready for the day. I was listening to the country channel on the satellite, and Reba McEntire's song "When You Have A Child" came on. If you haven't heard this song, google it. One line of the song says "The first time you hold 'em it's like you see God's smile, what a smile, when you have a child." I do see God smile every time I look at my precious little angels. It doesn't matter how many times I get peed, puked, or pooped on I see God smile every time I look at them. I never knew I could love this much. I would do anything for these little guys. They bring so much joy to our lives already, I can't imagine our lives without them. They are almost six weeks old. Can you believe it? They are changing so much already. I am trying to soak every bit of them in because I know they won't stay small for long. I feel so blessed to be given the gift of Motherhood.

Daddy & his boys

Stedson Jess

Treydon Jay

Little cuties

Stedson & Treydon

Stedson Jess & Treydon Jay made their grand arrival on October 27th! Stedson weighed 5lbs 13 oz and Treydon weighed 4lbs 13 oz. They are absolutely perfect. We love them so much. It was quite the experience getting them here, but it was worth every bit of pain. It all started with my doctors appointment on October 13th. Here is our birth story. It's mostly for journal sake so go ahead and skip ahead to the pictures if you don't really care. :)

I went in expecting to have a normal checkup and ultrasound and ended up being admitted to the hospital for high blood pressure. I ended up staying two nights and three days in the Gillette hospital. I was having contractions when we left but I was not dilated so they sent me home with strict instructions to be on complete bed rest. I was released on Friday night and by Saturday I was having a hard time breathing and I could feel my belly getting tight every few minutes. I was miserable. I had no idea that what I was experiencing was contractions. By Sunday morning, after being up all night long and having high blood pressure since Saturday morning we decided to go back to the ER. When we got to the hospital I had very high blood pressure again and was having contractions every 2 minutes. I was still not dilating, but they were very concerned that I was headed into Preeclampsia or Preterm labor. After having contractions all day on Sunday, and taking two doses of the medicine to stop them and getting pumped full of Magnesium Sulfate to stop the contractions there was no change. By 6:00 on Sunday they made the preparations for us to be life flighted to Salt Lake.I was scared to death. Words cannot describe how grateful I am to have a husband who was worthy to give me a priesthood blessing. The doctors were preparing us for the worst. Jase was able to fly with me and I don't know if I would have been able to do it without him. It was so comforting to look up and see him sitting in the seat in front of me. We got to Salt Lake late Sunday night. I was still having a lot of contractions and was completely MISERABLE from the magnesium sulfate. I can't believe how crappy that stuff made me feel! I couldn't hold my head up or focus on what the doctors were saying to me. I was still not dilating at all. What a frustrating feeling to have nonstop contractions that were doing nothing at all. They continued to watch me throughout the night and made the decision that I was stable enough to keep the babies in. Jase was so great. He was so calm and put together and literally never left my side. I was having an extremely hard time breathing by Monday morning without oxygen. They couldn't figure out why my saturation level was so low. After an Ultrasound on my heart, and an MRI they made the conclusion that I had fluid on my lungs because of all of the fluids that were pumped into me on the flight over. I ended up spending almost four days on oxygen before being able to breath completely on my own. By the 4th day of not showering or being able to get out of bed at all, they finally thought I was well enough to shower. I was very weak and wasn't able to stand up at all so my sweet husband rolled up his pants and helped me. I can honestly say that I have never loved him so much as I did that day. He was so patient and kind. I ended up staying one full week in the hospital before being released. We weren't able to leave Salt Lake so we checked into the Ronald McDonald house. What an awesome place.

I was released from the hospital on Friday and by Monday we were back in the ER because I was having tons of contractions again. They ended up admitting us, because I had high blood pressure and protein in my urine, the two biggest signs of Preeclampsia. By Wednesday morning my blood pressure was extremely high and I had a pounding headache, which once again were signs of Preeclampsia. They took us from the OB/GYN ward to labor and delivery and told us to be mentally prepared to have our babies. They were taking my blood pressure every 5 minutes and were trying to decide how long to wait before they took the babies. They were worried that because I had a headache that wasn't going away that my brain was swelling from the Preeclampsia. By one in the afternoon my entire face was tingly. I couldn't feel my lips or any part of my face. We called the doctors in and they immediately decided that it was time to get the boys out. They gave Jase five minutes to give me a blessing. I once again don't know if I could have done it without him. I was a nervous wreck and just kept thinking that I was only 33 weeks and that my babies might not be ready. After my blessing, I felt very at ease with everything and I knew that everything was going to be ok. We were in the ER ten minutes later. What a crazy experience to be awake during a C-Section. Jase watched the entire thing and was completely fascinated. They announced the arrival of Baby A (Stedson) and his cry was music to my ears. They gave us a quick peak of him before whisking him away to the NICU. Treydon came out screaming quickly after. They were beautiful. They were born at 1:50 pm and I was not allowed so see them until 9:00 that night and boy oh boy was I an anxious girl. Jase kept going in to look at them and would come back and tell me how cute they were. They were finally able to get my blood pressure down low enough that I could get in the wheel chair. (Which was extremely painful by the way! No one told me it would hurt that bad!) Jase wheeled me into the NICU to see my little angels for the first time. Stedson had low oxygen levels and had a C-Pap to help him breathe. We were unable to see his face at all. I could just see his adorable brown hair sticking out of the bottom of his little hat. I was able to stick my finger into his little incubator and hold his little hand. I will never forget this experience. I knew right away that he was most definitely part of me and I loved him so much. Treydon did very well. He didn't need to be on oxygen at all. I was able to hold him right away. He was precious. When he looked up at me with those big blue eyes of his I melted. I had so much love for these two little guys. The boys ended up spending 19 days in the NICU and these were 19 of the hardest days of my life. I knew all along that I might not be able to take my babies home right away. I thought I was mentally prepared for what was ahead of me, but boy was I wrong. Checking out of the hospital three days after delivering, and leaving my babies in the NICU was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was an emotional wreck. I struggled with the fact that I had no idea how long my boys would be in the hospital. It could be weeks, or it could be months. Jase was definitely my strength. I have no idea how he stayed so calm and collected through everything. He is one heck of a guy! Jase and I spent our days at the hospital spending time with our babies. At first we could only hold them for a short amount of time, and we couldn't even hold Stedson until he was a week old and on regular oxygen instead of his C-Pap. We watched them improve and finally were able to give them a bottle. We then started working on getting them to take all of their feedings by bottle. It was a very emotionally draining experience for me. I had such a hard time being told when I could hold my babies and not being able to do the things that new mom's get to do. I was lucky enough to have Jase with me the entire time. We experienced so many blessing throughout our time in Salt Lake. The guys from Jase's work (most of whom do not even know Jase) donated their paid time off so that Jase could stay with me and still get paid. What a HUGE blessing this was. Heavenly Father was most definitely looking out for us. Stedson continued to improve and was finally off oxygen completely when he was two weeks old. They both did very well for being seven works early. We were once again very blessed to have such healthy boys. We finally were able to take them home on November 14th. What a great day! I have never been happier.

Thanks to all of our family and friends for the support you gave us the past month. We couldn't have done it without the love and prayers that were sent our way. We felt every single one of the prayers that were said in our behalf. We know that there is something to be learned from the past month and the trials that we went through. I truly feel that it has strengthened not only Jase and my marriage but our little family as well.